Lonely speaks

I'm not quite sure where to start from...but like yourself you probably stumbled across an article(or articles) on loneliness or that video on YouTube titled 'the simple cure for loneliness' when you searched up loneliness. On this blog, I aim to be as honest as possible about the things I go through. In the aim that others are able to relate and learn from my life lessons at the end of the day. 

I have been experiencing loneliness for the past 2 weeks and was thinking about what to write on loneliness in order to encourage others going through the same thing so I began my research. Most of the articles I found were by experts on Psychology blogs/websites but very few from the personal perspective of someone dealing with the 'topic' in discussion.

The video on YouTube on ' the simple cure for loneliness' which has approximately 4.5 million views and approximately 6,000 comments made me realise how many people are affected or have been affected by loneliness in the past 3 years (since the video was posted). This is a shocking number and even more shocking is the fact that it's not the only TedTalks video on YouTube on loneliness with over a million views; there are a couple more.

Before I began watching the video, I scrolled through the comments. Reading through those comments made me see how loneliness looks like for other people. Loneliness is:

1. having no friends to talk with, do social activities with or go on holidays with.
2. Having friends but still feeling like you are alone
3. Having friends but feeling like there is a lack of deep connection with them
4. Feeling betrayed by 'friends' because they feel they are being used. Sometimes feeling like the last option: the shoulder to cry on...the one who only gets invited to the party when the other friend/(s) is not available.
5. Having no family or loved ones with whom to share or do the use family 'rituals' with
6. Struggling to make friends
7. Feeling so lonely that you are constantly looking for someone to connect with and talk to, even strangers at the worst of times.
8. Calling a helpline because you have no one to talk with
9. Lacking a prospective life partner and beginning to feel that he/she will probably not be found.

There are more reasons but I'll leave the list as it is. 

I can identify with at least 3 of these points.  Since I am being honest, i tick  list 1 (partially), list 3 (very much so), list 6 which lead to 7 and at the worst of times 8 (coming close to calling a helpline ...). 

My current struggle is with the depth of my connection. I am an introvert so I am okay sharing my own space with myself; I'm obsessed with 'me' time. For the major of my teenage and adult life I have been processing my thoughts by myself, confiding in just me because it usually feels like an effort to speak someone about my issues. 

Not forgetting that the depth of my conversations, can only go as far as the depth of my friendship with the other.

I have only had that depth of friendship with 2 people in my life and even then, I was the listening friend and hardly the sharing friend. These friendships do not exist now as they did anymore, distance and life have changed the dynamics of the relationship and perhaps due to the lack of communication, I'm not sure if I can still call them a friend.

I am a movie lover, my favourite movie genre is the 'chick flick' type. But anytime I watch them I find myself questioning if good friendships are that easy to make. If you watch those types of movies, have you noticed how there are always 3 close friends? (sometimes one of them is the crew leader but oh well). Then there's the fact that they usually share the same sense of fashion, music etc. They sometimes even share a journal, they hang out together, shop together, go on holidays together and visit each other's homes. I begin to feel sorry for myself because I don't even have one friend I can do that with. In fact, my spell of loneliness reached an all time high when gatherings of up to 6 people were allowed as lock-down measures eased in parts of the UK. Friends began to meet up and enjoy picnics in the park as temperatures reached 31℃ in London. I wanted to be out there in the park enjoying an ice cream with someone apart from myself after self-isolating since late March but I couldn't think of a name to call for a hang-out. I wanted it to be someone I could enjoy the company of and someone who I knew will enjoy my company. And I desired a sweet conversation, not just small-talk or the awkward feeling of a conversation where you hide information from each other because you both know 'you ain't that close'. 

I guess all I am trying to say is that, I am not looking for 3 close friends but I do want an intimate friendship...a companion with whom I feel free to share my thoughts with and not just listen to, go shopping with, hang out at the park with, travel with and visit sometimes. For the average person, this is very normal but for those of us who can relate to this, it is a dream that some have as a reality.

Until the last couple of days, I will admit that I almost felt hopeless but the truth is, I always had the solution to overcoming loneliness. I am a Christian and my faith in God and relationship with God should never leave me feeling lonely. 

God promises to always be with me and always to trust in him and to hang on to His words but I have only been a Christian on the outside, not on the inside. Although I was raised in a creation home, I have not embraced developing an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. There is a Bible scripture that says 'abide in me, and I in you'. John 15:4

I have always been present in church but not present with God. Being a Christian and being depressed or lonely is not the ideal scenario. But that is because I have not surrendered my heart to God. There are so many benefits of putting your trust in God through Jesus. Regarding fear, anxiety, depression and loneliness. The Bible says in 1 Peter 5:7

Casting all your cares (anxieties, worries, distress) on him, because he cares about you.

This simply means tell Jesus about what troubles you and let Him deal with it. It's like confessing a secret to someone that you trust and that feeling of relief you get. Only this time, when you truly trust Jesus, you give Him your troubles and you are supposed to not take back your problem. Jesus can carry it. In fact, He urges us (the lonely, the fearful, the depressed, the imperfect and those who are tired of their lives) to come to Him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

I am not the perfect example of a Christian. But I am the perfect example of a lonely person who would like to discover the joy of living.


Before I wrote this blog, I prayed to God to ask for forgiveness for leaving him hanging while He had His arms open wide to embrace me. But I have turned my back on Him all these years, focusing on being religiously and acting the part rather than being the part. As I embark on my new journey with Jesus, I hope that you join me too. Jesus is waiting for you and I. He does not give up on us, no He will never. Look at the love He has for us. Jeremiah 31:3

I have loved you with a love that lasts forever. I have kept on loving you with a kindness that never fails

My God says to you right now.

"I will give those who are weary all they need. I will refresh everyone who is filled with sorrow."

If you want to learn more about God, then read this post. If you are ready to accept Jesus as your Saviour and a friend then pray the scripture at the bottom of this post.

Feel free to comment, share and subscribe! I love to hear your comments, questions on this topic and any feedback. The comments section is at the bottom. You may click the subscribe link at the top of this page. 

Till next time,
Happy living 

Claudy xoxo


If you enjoyed this post, you may read my latest blog post on a day spent well alone

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