Dear Singleton...Part 1

Don't compromise.

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

As I sit here in my usual writing spot, I am happy that I have FINALLY been able to put "pen to paper" to write this blog. It's been on my mind for so long and damn if only I had written this when inspiration was at it's peak, it would have been a really good blog post. But regardless, here we are 3 weeks after, finally doing this, so let's go!

As you may have noticed, I always begin my blog post with a quote. This one here is secretly my favourite Bible quote but I always say I don't really have one when asked that question.

Daughters of Jerusalem [Replace that with Sisters, friends, girlfriends], I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Song of Solomon 8:4

Precisely 28 days ago, I was flattered by the thought that I might have met someone...you know...for a potential romantic relationship. But as life will have it, time always tells. I engaged in conversations with this individual and through our conversations, I thought, okay this person is not bad. I mean we had certain things in common and had interesting conversations. I didn't feel awkward in asking certain questions and for me feeling comfortable in the 'talking phase' is key.

Anyway, the clouds soon came out about 9 days into the research process when 1 thing happened that made me question if I wanted this. I won't go into too much detail about this, but when getting to know someone, I still consult my checklist. It's not a long list, just 3 things I want to see in both myself and my ideal partner. Before you think I am quick to eliminate or judgemental, I am working on my side of the equation; being the person I really would like to marry. 

I have spoken on the checklist in this vlog (do watch and subscribe please🙂) and it's proven to be a really good checklist because these 3 qualities or states of being are still very important to me. I have come to accept that I know myself very well and no one apart from God really knows me as well. 

Anyway, there was one thing that happened on the 9th day that made me take a step back and assess. I didn't write said person off for that one thing but it made me see what I could live with and what I couldn't in the long term. I kept on talking with the person but they seemed to be growing colder by the day until whatever it was faded. I was pretty disappointed. But anytime I weigh up the disappointment of the failed relationship-in-process and them not ticking that item on my checklist, I feel relieved that I did not go chasing or trying to make something work.

So here's the lesson. Your priorities - your needs are yours. You know why you have them at the top of your list. As you get older, you should ideally know yourself enough to know what you can accept or manage and what you cannot accept or manage. If you are like me, you may get slightly upset if people don't treat what you value as well or make light of it. Some may even go the extent of trying to convince you that you are wrong, need to change or need to get rid of certain attitudes you have to doing what you are opposed to. Do your priorities match theirs? Do your values match theirs? Do you see life the same way? Are you heading in the same direction? Do you even know each other that well?

If your answers to these questions are mostly 'No' then you keep doing you. 

I will not argue that as I am now, there are some things I don't have to change. I am not Perfect Claudia. I am actually very flawed, have many weaknesses and my life would benefit from showing greater emotional intelligence towards others. I just confessed to something major 👀. I'm not the best person to give this advice, but I hope we (you and I) take it.

All I am trying to say is that, often times in the (romantic) relationships department we make the mistake of compromising on our values for the sake of other's acceptance of us and that often leads to a lot of self-esteem or self-worth issues. 

We must stand our ground for the things we value. There is a saying that goes 

lf you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. 

So I plead with you, examine your previous and current romantic relationships and see where you may have lowered or broken your good values when you shouldn't have. Love yourself enough to give and accept the best for you. The jigsaw puzzle is already complete when you have the right people in your life, you just need someone who sees the complete you and not someone who would scramble up the perfect pieces.

Here's my charge dear singleton, keep these words of Solomon to heart.

Sisters, friends, girlfriends, do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Love is so much sweeter when it's shared with the right person.

Till next time,

Happy Living!

Claudy xoxo