It's on me

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Tag: Lessons from life 



 * * *  Poetic story * * *

I forget how it feels like, to feel disappointed until it happens, but this time I'm not the victim.

I believe I caused it. As at now, I have a list in my head of who I have disappointed, going to disappoint and disappointing (present). All three forms have and will really cause pain to them but the tables have turned and I can all of a sudden feel their pain because I'm the victim now.

I want to call the people I hurt and say sorry but it might just be too late. For now, I have had to put pen to paper and list all my faults. After writing this post, I will have a little time with God because I know I have disappointed Him.

 How and why did I disappoint him?  By leaving Him at the sidelines, while I chased after my own dreams. Things got great and I run even faster, chasing after the things which will soon disappear as quickly as they appeared.

And I will also spend a little more time to say sorry because I disappointed other people He sent my way. I must have thought they were trying to slow me down but they were there to keep me grounded-just in case, I took a great fall.

See God is disappointed because I disappointed His other children. I can see God, the good good father He is ... saying, 
Claudia, apologise to your big sister, because what you said hurt her
Apologise to your mother, you should be paying more attention. Give her the due respect of listening, even when you don't feel like it  
That was last week, and I didn't listen. Today, someone played a trick on me and now I have finally learnt my lesson.

 It's not that 'everything that goes around, comes around' or that Khama means pay back.

The lesson is that disappointment hurts; and it's little things that I do; like not returning a phone call, text or not showing up or visiting may have really disappointed someone.

I should be the first to know, because I get slightly disappointed when the same is done to me, even when unintentional.


The bit that hurts the most is that even after feeling disappointed, I go back and do it again.
Their wound opens up again...more blood, more tears.

Epilogue 

I know you are disappointed God, you had to deal with what I did to you and then another one of your children comes crying in again.
Claudia, hurt my feelings again...
You held them close and gave them a really tight embrace. 
It's alright child, I know how it feels  
You come back to me again.

But rather than tell me off, you keep silent and love me, because I've just been hit with the same pain. This time it was on me...I was the victim.

The End

* * *                         ***                    ***                 ***                      ***            ***


Today's blog post is a poetic story which explores the theme "lessons from life" and the topic, disappointment. You don't need guess - it's in real time.  I am disappointed and I caused it first. But it really hurts, if I must confess      

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